Almost a New Year already

I don't know where this year has gone....it went by so fast...I can't believe that Christmas is over too...wow. It has been a busy year for us and the girls are growing up so fast I can't believe it. Julie is almost 6, most days going on 16 and Kaitlyn is 3 1/2. It seems like just yesterday when everyone was here for her birth. So now it is time for my new years resolutions and I am going to try very very hard to stick to these, maybe even making a reward system for me if I stick to them.

My 2010 Resolutions

1. My husband is a great man, wonderful father, and patient with me. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. MY RESOLUTION IS TO BE A BETTER WIFE IN ALL ASPECTS. MORE UNDERSTANDING, CARING, LOVING, HELPING, ETC.

2. I have 2 great girls, but sometimes I lose my temper and patience...I know we all probably do at times being a mom. MY RESOLUTION IS TO BE A BETTER MOTHER, MORE PATIENT AND INTERACTIVE WITH MY CHILDREN EVEN WHEN I AM TIRED OR SICK.

3. Work more on my financial goals. I RESOLVE TO SPEND AND USE MONEY MORE WISELY AS IT AFFECTS EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY.

4. I RESOLVE TO BE MORE SYMPATHETIC AND CARING TO OTHERS WHEN I AM IN A HURRY, who knows how bad their day is going.

5. LOVE MYSELF AND FORGIVE ALL OF MY MANY FLAWS.

6. LOVE MY BODY AND STRIVE TO MAKE IT HEALTHIER.

7. HAVE ANOTHER BABY ....(I thought maybe I could sneak this one in, although I know my husband is saying there is no way...)

So here is to a great 2010...hope everyone has a wonderful year.

Why does it seem so hard

I admit, when I was a kid and my mom always wanted me to clean up, I never realized why it bothered her so much. She could just close the door and hide my mess, for years we argued about this and I always thought it was such a petty thing....well lets just say that now I have kids and I have payback x2. Why is it so hard to get a 5 yr old to clean up after herself. She can come up with every excuse in the book and I look at her and wonder where in the world did she get that one from. Then I clean up and turn around and I think that a tornado has just touched down in the exact spot that I just cleaned and destroyed everything I did...not only that but somehow it seemed to also add to the never ending laundry and dish pile on top of everything else. I think us moms need some special energy juice just to keep up with the kids, house, meals, school, etc. Before I had kids, I never thought that it could be this hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to pieces and I enjoy them, but I wish they came with a clean up button already installed....

One thing I left out

As I was reading back my earlier post about how things fall into place, there was one critical thing I left out. Yesterday, I couldn't find my cell phone, despite the fact that I knew that I had it the night before. This morning before the whole car issue, Adam went out to my car to get Julie's lunchbox so that I could pack it for her and out of the blue decided to look for my phone. Not being able to find it in my car, he called it and heard it ring...in the grass in the middle of the lawn. After thinking how that could have happened, I came to the conclusion that it must have fallen out of my pocket two days earlier when I got home on Tues night from the store, because we were out in the dark, trying to stake up our tree from the wind to save it, which means that it was out there all day and night until this morning. Thankfully my phone is waterproof so no problem there...but can you imagine if we didn't look for it this morning or Adam didn't find it and I would have been stuck on the side of the road in the cold with no cell phone...oh my gosh......like I said things happen in weird ways.

It may suck, but it could have been worse

I think it is strange how everything seems to fall into place sometimes...even at the bad times. Let's take this morning for example. Kaitlyn had a late school start because they were having a Halloween party so she didn't have to be at school until 10. A friend invited us over to her house for a play date before the party from 9-10. Well I was not really motivated to get moving this morning and all us moms know how that is, but I decided to suck it up and get a move on. So we left our house about 8:30 to head to the gas station and then on to our friends house. About 5 minutes into our trip all of a sudden my car makes a weird motion(don't know how to explain the feel) and will no longer really drive forward...great. Well by the grace of god, I managed to get it a few feet out of the road and happen to be by a place in the road that had a large shoulder(it is a fast two lane road). How I managed that, I have no clue because right after we got it there, nothing....it was still running, but wouldn't move. Kaitlyn kept telling me to go and asking why the car was stopped and that she wanted to get to her friends house....so here I am stuck on the side of the road..needing gas, and did I mention it was 40 degrees outside. So I call my husband, then I call the friend whose house I was going to and thankfully she was leaving to take her son to school so then she just drove to where I was to pick up Kaitlyn so she wouldn't miss her party and also because we were freezing since I couldn't let the car run with the heater when we were almost out of gas. In hindsight, I guess I could have just let it run and run out of gas, since it had to be towed anyhow. Then I called AAA and they said it would be 20-30 minutes. I then called me husband back and told him that he needed to leave work and come and get me so that we can follow the car to the shop and then be able to pick up Julie...wow. What a morning. I froze even though I was covered with a blanket and had my jacket on. Well my husband and the tow truck arrived about a minute apart and they hooked it off and on we went. Let's just say that we just paid this car off....yeah!! Well so far we had to fix a panel on the transmission 2 months ago which wasn't cheap, last month the battery died, and now this. My husband and I were both pretty sure it was the transmission so we were trying to decide if it was worth fixing since we were planning on buying a new car next year or if we should just bite the bullet now. So it turns out that it is the transmission which is going to cost between 2200 - 2800. We then decided that we really couldn't afford to take on a new car payment right now so we decided to have it fixed, which means it has to be towed again to a different shop that does transmissions.....I GUESS I KNOW WHAT MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT IS.

On the other end of this, if my friend had not invited us over this morning and had I not decided to get out and go, we would have been stuck on the side of the road and then been late for or missed the party altogether which would have been a major problem since this is all she talked about for the last week. It also just happened to work with her schedule that she was dropping her son off anyhow so she would be out and could pick up Kaitlyn. For some weird reason, I made it to the side of the road and out of danger and my husband didn't have a meeting that he was in, so he was able to easily leave work to come and help me out. So I guess if you are a glass half full kind of person, it turned out to all work out in the end....

Family in crisis and other ramblings....

Do you ever have moments in your life when you wonder why things happen to people. Well as most people know my cousin who is 32 was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer about 4 months ago. She just had a new baby and also has a 3 yr old and I cannot imagine what she has been going through. She has been having treatments with radiation and chemo...well last week she had a new MRI to check how things were going...the results were horrible. It has now spread from her colon and they have now found it in her hip bone....as she put it, her life sucks right now. They are now going to put her on high doses or radiation for 12 weeks, 24 hrs a day. I cannot imagine having a new baby and a toddler and having to face something like this. I am not overly religious but I am going to be praying and praying for her...I think one of the fears of a parent is not being able to watch your children grow up.

On a more positive note, we all had a blast this weekend camping....we also went to an amusement park and the boardwalk. The kids had tons of rides all weekend and none of us were ready to go home(ok maybe my husband was). It is so cute to watch them grow and change and experience all the new things that come along with life. Julie is doing great in school and loves it, we have her 1st parent/teacher conference Nov 6th so it should be interesting to see what her teacher has to say. Tomorrow I am going on a field trip with 3 of the kindergarten classes up to apple hill so that should be interesting and hopefully fun, although she has another bladder infection so she has been grumpy for the last few days...hopefully the meds will kick in and make things better.

All in a weekend..

I don't think we even had a weekend...it seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye and before I knew it, it was Monday and back to school. Friday after Julie had school my mom and the kids and I headed out the wheatland, which is about an hr drive to our favorite pumpkin patch, hoping to beat the crowds of the coming weekend. We had a great time, and it is so weird to think that 5 yrs ago, I was there with Julie and she was the little one in the stroller. So after the train ride, the pony rides, the marble panning and the slides, we took the hay ride out to the pumpkin patch to search for pumpkins. Kaitlyn was really into it this year and kept telling everyone on the hayride that she was getting 2 pumpkins, one big and one small. So we trudged through the fields and selected 5 pumpkins...(yeah picture us trying to carry all of that back to the wagon). As I was walking out of the field something bit my ankle...but I figured who knows what the heck is in there. After the hay ride we got a snack and as we were eating our snack, my mom kept getting bit by mosquitoes...I thought they were done for the year but she swore she kept seeing them. Later that night as I counted the bites on me, I guess she was right. I had a bunch also. Julie had one on her arm and Kaitlyn didn't seem to have any. When Sat came around we were on our way to the lake with friends to go for one last boat ride and rafting trip before the nice weather came to an end. Julie said her arm really itched and it was for sure swollen and red and she had a nice sized bug bite, but I didn't think to much of it, because I had a bunch of itchy things on me too. Well Sunday morning when she woke up, her arm was huge and hard as a rock and warm and red all around the bug bite...so we decided to take her to urgent care before we had to run her to a birthday party. Good thing we did, turns out she now has an infection that turned into a cellulitis. They put her on two antibiotics because it was so bad and the size of the redness around it was now 6cm....it looked horrible. So they sent us home with meds, told us to keep a heating pad on it and give her Motrin for the swelling. Now the bad thing is that when she is on antibiotics it makes her grumpy...so take her normal grump when she is on antibiotics and multiply by 5..I sure don't know if I can take 10 days of this and of course my husband wont be home tonight or tomorrow night to help out.....I may need a spa weekend after it is all said and done.

Too scary for preschool

Okay so all of you that know me, know that I am the biggest animal lover that there is...the problem is that I have a problem with the newest pet at Kaitlyn's preschool. It is a tarantula...now yes I hate spiders but that is not my concern. Tarantulas are peaceful by nature, but if a 3 yr old comes up to you and shakes your plastic house, I don't know how peaceful it can be. Tarantulas are venomous, a bite they say is like a bee sting...painful, but the web says rarely results in death.....OKAY...what about any of that makes the teacher think that this is an okay pet to have in a class with twelve 3 yr olds...and if one just happens to drop the cheap plastic container that it is in, the lid will come off and there will be a spider on the loose....lets not even imagine how that is going to end. It also states that the hair of the spider can cause severe irritation to skin...okay so how do I bring this up to the teacher without her getting defensive....I am paying good money to send my kid to this school and let me tell you what, if my kid was to get bit by a spider that she had as a pet..we are going to have a problem.....

It could be a form of torture...

So as most of you know, I have been seeing a Dr about a nerve injury that I received from a blood draw while I was in the ER back in Feb. It has not gone away so I was referred to a neurologist for nerve conduction studies or EMG, along with a nerve conduction velocity test. I have been dreading this all weekend although I knew that in order for me to possibly heal and have the hospital take responsibility I would need to have these tests done. So in I went today. Well let me try and describe it. The 1st part put electrodes on my hand/arm and then use a large probe...kind of like a griddle plug that delivers a short electrical current...so it starts out little and strange since a part of your nerve jumps. Then you hear her turn up the current and move it around your arm...not a good feel, she continues to turn it up until she gets all the results. Actually my arm still does not feel right. Then she moves to the other arm to compare. After that torture is done, she then takes 2 small finger rings and places them tight around your fingers and sends electric currents through those. After the 30 minutes of being electrocuted goes by, she then takes out 4 probably 7 inch needles and jabs them into different places in both arms to see the response to those. Thankfully that is the end of the torture. While I was walking out I think there was still current flowing through my body. She did tell me that the pinkie on my good hand, has bad nerve function and is numb and should feel like it is asleep. Now I have to return in 2 weeks for the results from my torture test. Lets just say, I am glad it is over and I sure hope I never have to experience that again.

2 weeks down

Well it has been 2 weeks since my baby has been in Kindergarten...she loves school and is already upset that she has to be off school for 3 whole days this week due to the holiday...it is a little weird on the days when both girls are in school. When I picked her up from school on Friday some little boy in her classroom called to her and said , "bye, Princess". On Thursday, I went to the Dr's and everyone asked me where the girls were and I said they were both in school....it felt weird but nice. The only problem is they are growing up so fast. Julie is no longer a little girl, she is now a girl. Very grown up and smart. Kaitlyn is in the throws of terrible 3's, being a pill all the time...despite all that, I would not change anything. I love being a mom and watching my kids grow and change....so now I am ready for number 3, since my little ones are getting all grown up...any ideas how to convince my husband that he is ready too??

Back to the real world

Well the in-laws left tonight, headed back to NY..good thing for them I guess since my father in law is sick, but sucky for me...it never seems like they stay quite long enough and it was a blessing they were here because they helped with the kids since I am getting over being sick and they kept me busy and my mind off of things so I didn't think about my grandma passing away as much. Then they left tonight and it was like all those emotions hit me hard, I cried they were leaving, I cried because my grandma was gone.....I just cried. I think now these next couple days will be hard that during the day it will once again just be me and the kids....

Tired today

So today is day 3 of my vigil at my grandmas bedside....I am TIRED, physically, emotionally...tired. I have been here since 10 am this morning and it is now 8 pm....I will be here for a few more hours before heading home and then back again early tomorrow...more family is here today. Tom has been here for the day, the kids were here all day with their cousin and a constant presence of a nurse since my grandma is no longer stable. She is now on O2 and seems to be comfortable as long as we keep up with the pain meds on a regular basis. We are just praying she will hold on until tomorrow. Her son and daughter from back east will be here by the afternoon. I am still not sure she will make it, but we will pray. She can no longer speak and has a buildup in her throat so she does a lot of gurgling, but her heart rate is still strong and her blood pressure is still up. So I am on my way back upstairs to sit a little longer.......

The shit is hitting the fan

Well I guess when it rains, it pours.....as you may or may not know my Grandmother is very ill and dying, so I have been at my moms holding a vigil and trying to help out the best that I can, since no other family is here to help out or is even on the way. The hospice nurse said that she probably had a few days to a week left....couple with that, my in laws are coming out on Thursday....and my house needs to be cleaned, we are having a birthday party for Kaitlyn on Sunday and nothing is ready for that, the cake is not ordered...nothing....then I wake up this morning and now I am sick...coming down with a cold or something, but I feel like crap....than Adam tells me he thinks he is getting sick too......does God have anything else he would like to add to my plate??

Anxiety and clutter make for a bad combo

So for those who have known me a while, you all know that I have anxiety....but some may not realize to what extent. Anyhow, some things it is minor, others huge. Well lets just say that my house and life also has clutter and those 2 things together can be a horrible combination. So I have been trying to de clutter and make room in my house and my life. I rearranged Kaitlyn's room, I have been trying just to get rid of things that I know have not been used in months, but it is hard to look at the big picture when there are so many little steps. Everything you read says just do a little at a time and break it into 15 minute clumps...it doesn't all need to get done at once, but for me 15 minutes makes me feel like it will never ever be finished and then comes the anxiety followed by the depression. Take today for example. I spent an hour and a half cleaning out the garage...filling up a whole garbage can and recycle bin, and making 3 large bags for donation. I look at what I have done and I think WOW....you did a lot(well when looking at a little picture). Then I look at the big picture and think, what a waste, this is never going to be finished and then it gets frustrating and upsetting and I just want to give up.....I guess it doesn't help that neither my husband or I are neat freaks. I have told my husband that we need to hire a professional organizer because I think that a lot of this stuff for it to get accomplished is beyond the 2 of us. He being an engineer thinks it is a waste of money to do that...so here I am back at square 1. I should be thrilled that the garage is coming together and Kaitlyns room looks great, but instead I am unhappy about how much more we have to go......

I took the leap surprising even myself

So the gym that I belong to, is having an 8 week body challenge. What it is, you pay a fee and you have weekly weigh in's and then you get 2 group personal training sessions a week for 6 weeks. Then two weeks on your own. At the end of 8 weeks the person who has lost the biggest percentage will win. They have a bunch of different prizes etc. When I saw the form, it was like a light bulb clicked in my head. Usually I say to those things why the hell would you pay for something like that on top of the gym membership price. This time, I know the reason. I need to have a drastic change like that. What I am doing is not working so I need to change it and step it up a whole lot. Wish me luck as I embark on this journey.

Do you remember back when?

The other day, I was tired and stressed so I wanted to take a hot bath since my 2 yr old was taking her nap. As I grabbed my book and headed for the tub I realized that I had to take the million toys out 1st. So I was thinking about a list of things that changes when you become a parent.

-Do you remember when you could get right in the bath without having to clean out 1o million toys 1st?

-Do you remember when you could go to the bathroom without an audience?

-Do you remember when you could sleep all night without a toy in your little ones crib making noise in the monitor and waking you up?

-Do you remember when you didn't believe that the dish fairy and the laundry fairy existed, but now you wish they would just go away and stop making so much work for you to handle?

-Do you remember when you didn't think it was possible to be groped in so many ways?

-Do you remember being able to wear the same clothes all day without food, or gunk, or unexplainable things on you?

Even though I don't remember much of that, I do know that I wouldn't change anything about it. I have never felt more loved or needed in my life and although sometimes it is hard and tiring, they are worth it!!

do you believe

Okay so you may or may not believe in this stuff but i am going to share it anyhow. As my best friend and I say, you are surrounded by the love and light. Anyhow, the other day I went to get my hair done while my mom had the kids and so after my hair, I went to her house and she had the kids at the pool, so I was all alone. Anyhow I was in the kitchen making a snack and the phone started doing a weird beeping noise and the display kept changing on it. A little weird considering that it was hung up on the charger but it just happened. So as I continued to make a snack it kept beeping for a few minutes a couple of times every couple of seconds. When it finally stopped, I decided what the heck, maybe someone is trying to tell me something so out loud, I said, "Dad is that you?" By this time the phone wasn't making noise anymore so then I said again, dad if that is you, beep the phone again....immediately the phone beeped one time....... it never happened again the rest of the night.......

A great day and GREAT NEWS!!!

Let's just say that god must be smiling down on me today! For those who know me, you know that I am not super religious but I do believe. So today I went to my appt with the rheumatologist for my Lupus to see how I am doing, and discuss my lab work. Let's just say that I am feeling great. My lab work is fabulous and my lupus antibody test came back negative!!! Now it does not mean that I am cured as of now, he is still cautious to say that, since we still have one more med to wean off of. But he says that as of this time, I DO NOT have active Lupus. He said that as of now, I don't have anything different then the millions of people that are walking around with a pain here and there but not anything to go to the doctor about. I asked him if I continue, could I not have any more problems the rest of my life and he said for sure....lets keep our fingers crossed and our prayers going. I told my husband, we are going out to dinner to celebrate tonight.

Almost home...

So I am now on day 5 of being by myself while my husband has gone off to Israel for work, and I have to say that it has not been as hard as I expected. I think being by myself, you kind of get into a routine because you know that it is only you around. Some times have been more trying then not...yesterday was a stressful day, both girls were exhausted and it showed in both of their attitudes. Thankfully most nights, we go to my moms house so I can have a little break which really helps out. I think the hardest part is how much I miss my husband. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, well let me tell you, this is the part that has been miserable. I can't even explain how much I miss having him here at night.....Thank god we only have 2 more days until he is home.....

Off to preschool we go

I can't believe it, tomorrow is Kaitlyn's 1st day of preschool. It seems like only yesterday I was dropping Julie off for her 1st day, now she is in Kindergarten. Where did the time go?? They grow up so fast...it is going to be bittersweet when I close that door behind me after taking her to school.

Bittersweet ending

Today was my babies last day of school.....when I went to pick her up and we walked into her classroom they had all of their mats that they sit on out and on top of those were each child's journal. It had something from just about every month that she has been in that school. I wanted to cry. My baby is no longer a baby....where did it all go and so fast. Time flies and I think it really hit me today when I opened up her journal and it had her picture from the 1st day of school......so here is Julie when she started school and Julie now

Bargains, bargains everywhere...

When I was growing up, my Aunt always bought all of her kids stuff at thrift stores and I thought that was horrible and gross and I said that my kids would never wear stuff from thrift stores....wow, was I a moron. We have a very nice goodwill by our house and while there is still some crap, most of it is nice usable stuff and I have often been able to find great kids clothes there even brands like Gymboree, Gap, Old Navy all for cheap.....well today was the 50% off Memorial Day sale and being that I was just there last week, I didn't think that I would go to this since the last sale they had, no joke people were parked down the street, I mean way down because the parking lot was full, all for Goodwill are you kidding me....well, now I will shut up. Since Adam didn't have work today and he went with us to the girls gymnastics class, I decided to wander over there to goodwill since they opened early for the sale so I figured it wouldn't be too bad yet...boy was I wrong. As I was walking in, some lady that was unloading her cart said that I would not want to go in without a basket cause inside you wont find one so if I wanted I could wait and have hers..I said okay while I was thinking in my mind, they have a bunch of baskets so they can't be out of them.

Then I walked in the store....lets just say in some parts of the store you could not move or get through, people were filling up carts like it was free stuff. So I decided to get a few kids books, some books for me, a couple sunflower nick knacks and then head over to see if I could find any clothes for the kids. As I was walking to the clothing section, I saw the line....no way that couldn't be the line could it...oh yes. Let's just say it wrapped around the ENTIRE STORE!!! I am not exaggerating. So I still went off to the kids section and found some cute clothes and even better I found some for me which is a rare treat. Adam finally joined us and I had him go stand in line....good thing. We ended up waiting in line for an hour and when we got to the front, the manager said it is usually at least a 2 hr line so we hit the store at a good time...lucky us. I did find some great bargains. I found a Lands End winter jacket for Julie that looks like it has never been worn. When I got home, I looked it up on the website and it goes for 69.50. I spent $1.75 on it.....I also got Kaitlyn a cute Gymboree skirt for $1.50 and some cool kids dinner trays for $.20 a piece. All in all I ended up spending $68 bucks which would have been what the jacket alone would have cost new and to think my cart was overflowing with things....As we were checking out a lady came up and asked us if she could follow us to the car to have our cart when we were done. Being that she had like 3 little kids with her, and we were parked by the Gymnastics place I told her that I would bring it back to her. No joke, on the way to the car, people were following us to the car and stopping us to ask if they could have our cart when we were done. At least 6 people came after us for it. I could have sold it to the highest bidder.....

Laundry mountian

Today while I was reading my sister-in-laws blog, I was cracking up. She was asking how the laundry multiplies on its own and trying to think when it started. I think it starts when you have kids that are walking and older. Our whole bathroom area that is where we put our laundry is designated as "Mount Laundry". Despite doing 2-3 loads per day, I never see the pile get smaller. I think that it reproduces like rabbits because I have not found an effective way to get rid of the issue. So every day and night, we climb the mountain to use the bathroom and sometimes chuckle and wonder where the little elf is hiding that is making the situation even worse....at times, he even sneaks into our sink and plays with the dishes. If anyone knows how to trap him, please pass it on....

2 girls, but so different

Okay so I have two beautiful girls. Julie was easy until about 4, but she was never as bad as Kaitlyn. I never got to the point where I debated going out places. Now I am at that place. The other day, Kaitlyn and I were shopping in Wal-Mart so we could pick up some things for our camping trip. Well as the cart was getting full, I told her that she would have to walk due to the fact that there was no more room in the cart for her to sit. Well lets talk about a complete meltdown. Refusing to walk, screaming that her boo-boo hurt(a small scrape on her leg that happened a week earlier), and all in all crying like crazy. I calmly told her that she needed to walk and mom was going to keep shopping and she needs to come with me. So I walked around the corner thinking she would worry that I am leaving and of course she was still standing dead still crying in the middle of the isle. I walked back and picked her up and continued to shop and put her in the front of the cart...now she was screaming because she only wanted to ride in the back. A lady who had also been shopping this whole time came up to me and said that she was very impressed how I handled it and that I kept calm the whole time. She told me that it would get easier and I was doing a great job....it makes you feel good when another mom compliments you in that situation.

So lets fast forward to today. I was having a bad day so I decided to take the girls to see my mom at lunch which I think we all needed. I would have a small break and also get to see my mom. It turns out my mom was running late so we went ahead and ordered and of course the girls wanted a small toy from those dumb machines where you pay 50 cents for a penny toy that is crap. So I wanted to keep them happy while I ordered. So as I gave them the money, I reminded Kaitlyn that you can't pick the one you get as she pointed to the one she wanted...well thank god that was the one that came out although she didn't think it was the same, so she starts saying she wants a new one and I told her that you only get one. Well then the drama started. She started crying and screaming that she wanted a new one. I carried her to the table and quietly told her that you get the one that comes out and you can not pick. That next time, she won't get anything if she cries about it...well as the crying got louder and louder, I decided that I couldn't inconvenience the whole restaurant so I asked Julie to please wait in the booth while I took Kaitlyn outside for a time out(since I could see Julie through the window the whole time). So I sat Kaitlyn on the ground and explained to her that when she was done throwing a fit and crying we could go back in and eat our food and get a drink. So I stood there ignoring her while we waited for 5 minutes for her to stop screaming. I asked her if she was done and wanted to try it again and she said yes. So I walked her back inside and placed her in the booth and told her to stay put while I took Julie to get her salad. Once again as I was walking up to the salad bar, a lady on her cell phone stopped me and said that she wanted to commend me on the job that I am doing and how I handled the situation even though she knows how hard it is.......
I guess that I am doing something right even though it is so hard.....At least I am getting a pat on the back...and I want another one....am I crazy????

The good, the bad, and the ugly

What can I say, we returned from our mother's day camping vacation exhausted, but had a blast. So much so that I think we may make it a family tradition. I have been camping a fair amount in my life but had never been to a KOA campground. Well it was camp and care weekend which benefits kids with cancer and you also got buy one, get one night free and because KOA is a little more expensive then regular camping our friends and I decided to try it out. So off we went to the Petaluma/South San Francisco KOA. My mom also decided to join us so we opted for a cabin rental(which slept her and the girls and Adam and I got the tent outside...lol), and our friends got an RV site for their monster of an RV. When we arrived, we checked in and got a list of activities...which I thought was cool and it would keep the kids busy. Lets just say the 1st night the kids went on a hayride, had an ice cream social and had a blast while they also visited the petting zoo. The second day we took a drive to the redwoods since our friends husband had never been there. When we got back we had lunch and then went on a waterslide/bounce and went to a pool party followed again by a hay ride and a meet the animals at the petting zoo. Mothers day morning they had a free pancake breakfast for all the moms. It was a great trip. Hanging out with my family relaxing and having my mom along was great. I was also very proud of my husband, because they had free Wi-Fi so of course he brought his computer but I razzed him about it for we were only there for 3 days and he didn't get it out once...The only bad part is that the weekend was over to fast, but it is something that I think we will repeat next year.

Now for the bad, my husband is off to Israel for a week and I really do not want him to go. I am so scared for him to be going there since it isn't the safest place to go and he is so very far away. As everyone knows I worry about every little thing, from the plane crashing, to something bad there happening. I knew it would happen eventually for his work, but I am not ready. Then I feel guilty because when he is gone, I put Julie in a summer camp that is from 9-4. It will be a great break for me, but I feel bad like I am pawning her off. I don't know how people work and leave their babies and kids to be taken care of by someone else all the time. So much of things that they do are missed, and I give those moms credit for although being a stay at home mom is challenging, I am with my kids all the time, and before I know it they will be all grown up.

Now for the ugly. My grandma came home from her second stay in the hospital on Mother's day and although she is looking much better we know it is only a matter of time. Her body is failing and shutting down, she wont eat enough so she doesn't have enough protein and other vital things in her body which isn't helping matters. Worst of all, today her Dr decided that it was time to put her in hospice care. Although she will remain at my moms house, she will have a nurse visit her 4 times per week. It will help my mom out, but it is just another reminder of how short her time left really is.

Swine Flu??

Okay so is anyone else freaking out about this new swine flu or is it just me...everyday or even hour that I go on the internet they are talking about more and more people dying or coming down with this. It is spreading like wildfire. They are all saying it is not cause for alarm yet...yeah right. I think they are just trying to cover their ass. I worry most about my kids. Thank god they are not in daycare but we still frequently visit kid filled places and it seems now like everyone everywhere is at risk. Someone next to you could cough or sneeze and they could have it and just not know and boom you are infected which spreads to your family, neighborhood etc. At what point do we panic? Our Governor just declared a State of Emergency for California due to the swine flu and they dont think it is time for panic??? They say this could turn into a pandemic.....HELLO>>> anyone know the definition of a PANDEMIC.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), a pandemic can start when three conditions have been met:[1]
Emergence of a disease new to a population.
Agents infect humans, causing serious illness.
Agents spread easily and sustainably among humans.
A disease or condition is not a pandemic merely because it is widespread or kills many people; it must also be infectious. For instance, cancer is responsible for many deaths but is not considered a pandemic, because the disease is not infectious or contagious

Yes, I think it is time to get serious and the press stop writing this off as no big deal. People in the US are starting to die from this. I would say that it is a big deal. Here is a link to a government web site that has a great checklist for families and individuals to prepare for this...anyone else worried about this..let me know. http://www.pandemicflu.gov/plan/individual/index.html

Tahoe here we come.....

So tomorrow we leave for Squaw Valley Ski Resort, the 2nd largest ski resort in the US. Julie is going to try her hand at Skiing for the very 1st time.....Kaitlyn is dying to try to, but you have to be 3, so she will have to wait until next year. As for Julie, that is all she can talk about. So the kids and I will drive up tomorrow, have some fun in the snow, stay at a hotel and then daddy will either come up tomorrow night or Sunday morn( all depending on how much time he spends in San Fran for the big stamp show!! ...all in all I think it should be a great time. The kids have been asking to go to the snow and we are almost out of time before the snow melts. Julie is also on the verge of losing her 2 front bottom teeth. I can't believe how big she is getting and how fast she is growing up. Her last day of Pre-K is May 29th and then it is on to kindergarten ....OMG!!

In other news, I saw the podiatrist today and it is back to wearing my walking cast for another 5 weeks, physical therapy 2x per week and 24/7 medication patches on my foot...you got to be kidding me....lol.

Well hopefully we will get out of the high 90's for awhile, because I can't imagine having that cast on in this heat....if that happens it is going to be a very very long summer.

The state of the world

Do realize that everyday this world gets more and more scary. Scary for us, scary for our kids....I am really down today. 2 weeks ago a little 8 yr old girl was skipping down the road in front of her house and disappeared. Police and search teams looked everywhere for her, including a room by room search of 3 local hotels. Yesterday they found her body stuffed inside a suitcase in an irrigation canal wearing the same clothes as when she disappeared. What the hell is wrong with people. What kind of freak gets off from taking and killing a little girl. She was only 3 years older then Julie and she only lived like 4 hrs from here.

What happened to the days when you could be a kid and play outside and walk to your friends house or the park and be gone all day having fun and just being a kid. Now it is like we have to lock our kids in the backyard to play. It is getting so bad, that I worry about sending Julie to public school soon. How do you know a weirdo isn't waiting around there. I know it isn't good to be to overly cautious and paranoid, but at what point can you stop being so. It is a scary scary world out there and a place where our kids cant even be kids anymore.....so very sad.

The ending of an Era

How do you close the chapter on 30 years of your life?? That is a question that I have no idea how to answer. The truth is, my grandma is dying. At this point, no one is sure she will even make it to her birthday in April. She told her daughter who is coming out for Easter to make sure that her plane ticket is refundable, because she doesn't think she will make it that long. As each day passes, that thought hits closer and closer to home. Sometimes she is lucid, but most of the time not. When she is lucid, she is in such severe pain that she can't stand it. She can no longer get up on her own, she needs help in every aspect of her life and care. It is so hard to watch someone dying right in front of you and even though you know that it is on the horizon, in no way does it ease the pain or heartache. I know that one day very very soon, I will walk into my mothers house and there will be a terrible void. There will be an empty feeling not seeing her around and being her loving stubborn self. Although I will be happy that she is no longer suffering and in terrible pain, my heart will be broken for all that I will have lost and my children will have lost. I just try and think what a blessing that she got to see my children and that Julie will always remember her now that I know she is old enough. What a great thing to be able to have a great grandma around.....I know that she has a place in my daughters heart for all time. When that time finally comes....we are sure going to miss BIG MAMA!!! So pray for her and send her good loving thoughts......I know we will.

A truley enjoyable time

So this morning ended our 5 day visit with the in-laws and I have to say that other then when my 2 girls were born and they came out, this was the most enjoyable. Now that the girls are older and they know who Grandma Shelly and Papa are, it is so great to see them interact. My father in law actually slept on the floor of Kaitlyn's room the whole time on a mattress. She loved that!! I was so thankful they were here to give me a little break since I am still recovering. As this morning got closer, I was so sad. I DID NOT want them to leave. 5 days went so quick and I wish that they would have stayed longer. I hope that next time they will. It is so great to make such wonderful memories. Both girls woke up this morning asking for them and they were disappointed to know that the day had come that they had to go home....they plan to return in August and we already can't wait.

When you find out who your true friends are

Yes, this is going to be a winy complaint filled post, but oh well. If you don't want to read it, then don't. Lets go back to last Friday...everyone else in my family has bronchitis and is on antibiotics(Kaitlyn also has an ear infection) Anyhow I started to get a cough on Friday and I was thinking oh no, please don't let me get this since I had just finished the antibiotics for my sinus infection the day before. So as the weekend progressed, my cough started to get worse and worse. Sunday I decided to go to urgent care. They told me that I probably had bronchitis too but they didn't want to give me antibiotics since I just finished a course so they sent me home with some cough medicine that didn't work. As Tuesday came around, I was feeling like crap, I had a fever, the chills, and a cough that I thought was going to hack up a lung and I felt like I was going to collapse, so I made a Dr's appt for 3pm that day. As noon rolled around, I realized that I couldn't make it until 3, so I dropped the kids off at daycare and headed to the ER. Boy am I glad that I did. I have a bad case of Pneumonia....so they gave me 2 strong IV antibiotics and fluids and debated if the should admit me or not. Because of my Lupus, my body is less able to cope with such things and I am also on a drug that suppresses your immune system. To make matters worse, when they were drawing my blood, they hit a deep nerve in my arm....(how the hell they did that I have no idea since I have blood draws every 6 weeks and come on, I am 30 so I have had a lot)anyhow, my arm went straight up and a stabbing pain shot from my elbow all the way to the bottom of my wrist. I was in tears.....even after she was done, my hand was numb and my arm was full of pain. Well, today, I am unable to use my arm, for if I move it, I have a stabbing pain in my wrist and my hand, then my hand goes numb. It is supposed to get better in a week or so....great. So to make a long story a little shorter, they sent me home, with strict instructions that I am not like most people who have this. I am more compromised and I need to go home, stay in bed and rest for 2-3 days until I feel stronger and then I need to start back slow. Well, my husband told me that he couldn't miss work and I cant chase after the kids, because as it is, it is hard to breathe and if I move it is 10 times worse.

So I called my "good friend" and asked her if it was possible that Adam drop Julie off after school and then pick her up on the way home from work because Kaitlyn will be napping and I can stay in bed. Well, she said that she couldn't watch her because she had to finish Vacuuming and mopping(her already spotless house). Well that was a kick in the face. So I tried the next person with whom I left a message on their voicemail and they just never called me back. What a feeling, to know that when you are in a bind, no one gives a shit. People who are supposed to be good friends, look for excuses not to help out. Whatever happened to the days when people went out of their way for others in times like this. I know if they had called me, I would have made a way to make it happen. I guess people like that are far and few between. One person who I wouldn't have called a friend before a few months ago, showed her true colors when I broke my foot. Despite her having 4 little kids of her own, she cooked us dinner, made us goodies, watched Kaitlyn and Julie and picked up Julie from school and brought her to my house so that I wouldn't have to go out. She is an angel in disguise. I thought about calling her, but she has helped me so much, I just couldn't do it. When you get older, you have a few select friends and you want to keep those friends that you have, I guess it just makes me sad and hurts my feelings to know that when I need help, they wont be there for me. So I lay here alone, feeling like I was hit by a train and struggling to breathe. I just pray to god I get better soon.

Here are the lyrics to a country song that I have always liked and I guess it really came into play today.

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your backwants to shake your handwhen you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then
This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

Enough is enough!!

I AM SO READY FOR THIS WINTER SICK SEASON TO BE OVER......



Okay so now that I said it, I want you to know that I mean it...we have all been sick for one time or another for 2 months straight now....and I have had enough. I am tired of snot, and coughing, and vomit, and grumpiness........Julie had the horrible long cold that we all have had and now she has a bad case of bronchitis and is on antibiotics, now it is spreading to Kaitlyn and she is once again sick with a cold and no longer has a voice and her raw nose was just finally starting to heal....please help us!!! On the flip side of all that....Julie had her 5 yr/school check up today and she is doing great and everything is right on track. Now we just have to go back to the urologist next month to make sure her bladder is okay and then we should be set. I cannot believe that I am going to have a kindergartner in a few months.



Also since it was a long weekend this week, I finally got our playroom started and finished. We have a large bonus room upstairs that was not used for much, so we decided to turn it into a playroom. We installed lower handrails for the kids and moved all of the toys upstairs so they can have their own space. It is actually nice. Slowly things are all falling in place. Also on Friday we had snow which made my year and the kids loved it. I just wish that Julie wasn't feeling so crappy that day and could have enjoyed it more. Oh well, we are planning on spending a weekend in Tahoe in a week or two because Julie wants to learn how to ski...so we will see how that will go.

Why

So why is it that when you really really want to and NEED to take a nap...nothing ever falls into place. I am still very sick....it has been a week and I dont think that I am at all better. I feel like crap.....I am waiting to just wake up and at least say that I feel a little better...but not so far. SO even though I felt like crap, I wanted to tire the kids out today because I really needed a nap. So off we went to Chuck E Cheese to use the tokens that we had left from Sat birthday party. We were the only ones there which was nice. Anyhow, we spent an 1 1/2 there and then I took the girls to lunch with both of them saying they were tired. I told Julie that today she was taking a nap since I have only slept about 10 hrs in the last 4 nights and am past the point of exhaustion. So we got home and Kaitlyn still had not fallen asleep and I put her in her crib and sent Julie off to her room and layed down in bed...thank god.....about 5 minutes later Kaitlyn was yelling for me that she dropped her rubber worm that she won at Chuck E Cheese and I ignored her and closed my eyes. Then Julie came in and said that she was done with her nap(which she didn't even take) and told me that she wanted a snack and threw a package in my now sleeping face for me to open.....I turned on a show for her and promptly went back to laa laa land. Kaitlyn as of now was still not sleeping but quiet. Another 5 minutes goes by and Julie wakes me up and tells me that the doorbell rang and I told her that was okay, I wasn't going to answer it. Then the phone rings and it turns out that the person at the door is the repair man for the heater that wasn't working right last night...so nowI am sitting here with a cranky 2 yr old, a bitchy sick tired mother, and a repair man complaining about the crappy job those guys did putting our system in....great that gives me confidence.......

Frozen

So after much waiting(years to be exact) we had people come to install a new heat pump in our house.......I was so excited. They arrived around 8 in the morning and my husband had stayed home from work because I had things to do in the morning. Cut to last night....at around 3pm my husband asked them about how much longer they had..in response they said 4 hrs. When 4 hrs was up, they came and said they had some bad news. They wouldn't be able to finish tonight and we wouldn't have heat....are you kidding me......they gave us a small space heater and then they went and bought a radiator for us to use...except they didn't think about us having kids and pets and that if you touch the radiator you are going to burn yourself. Also it was already 38 outside....so we all headed upstairs since heat rises and put the small space heater in the animal room so the birds wouldn't die and brought the large radiator upstairs with us. We put it behind the baby gate so no one could touch it...so here we are freezing cold, with 3 of us sick, sleeping on the floor upstairs......lets just say, I did not get very much sleep at all and I think I am still frozen....at least they got the heater to work...if it only had a defrost mode...

Our Vacation to Disneyworld!!

So we just returned back from 5 days of Disney world with my in-laws and their parents...I know what you are thinking...oh GOD.....yes that is the reaction I got from everyone about how very brave I was and how it was going to be torture for me....well it was actually nice...the only thing that I would have changed is I was a little grumpy because I am tired of having a cast on my foot and having to be pushed around in a wheelchair our whole vacation and on top of that my Grandma back home was very sick and I was not sure that she was going to be okay when I returned. The kids had fun...they loved seeing their grandma and grandpa who we only usually see about 2 times per year and they were excited to see great Papa and Great Mama too....Kaitlyn wanted to go on and do everything she could, and Julie on the other hand is in the stage where she is scared of everything and did not want to do anything. Of course, Kaitlyn has been dealing with constipation for a long time and in Disney we had started her on a new medicine. I also brought along a child's laxative because she had been trying but had not had a BM for 3 days. Anyhow the whole time we were there during our trip it didn't really seem to make a difference..until yesterday when we were getting ready to board the bus for the airport. Lets just say that we didn't have time to take her inside so we were standing by the bus bench with her standing up....to put it mildly it was on her legs, her new Minnie Mouse Dress, Adam's jeans, the cement, my arms.....well I think you get the point...what an end to a great vacation. I guess I should just be happy it helped.....just FYI we are already on our 4th full diaper today and it is only noon.

Just Great

So we are now 3 days away from leaving for Disney world and the crap has hit the fan. I woke up this morning feeling very nauseated and now I am in the potty a lot if you know what I mean. Then Kaitlyn was up a couple times last night saying that she hurt and today she has a 103 fever and strep throat....on top of that Adam has a cold and I still have a bum foot....at this rate we will see how the vacation goes.