The ending of an Era

How do you close the chapter on 30 years of your life?? That is a question that I have no idea how to answer. The truth is, my grandma is dying. At this point, no one is sure she will even make it to her birthday in April. She told her daughter who is coming out for Easter to make sure that her plane ticket is refundable, because she doesn't think she will make it that long. As each day passes, that thought hits closer and closer to home. Sometimes she is lucid, but most of the time not. When she is lucid, she is in such severe pain that she can't stand it. She can no longer get up on her own, she needs help in every aspect of her life and care. It is so hard to watch someone dying right in front of you and even though you know that it is on the horizon, in no way does it ease the pain or heartache. I know that one day very very soon, I will walk into my mothers house and there will be a terrible void. There will be an empty feeling not seeing her around and being her loving stubborn self. Although I will be happy that she is no longer suffering and in terrible pain, my heart will be broken for all that I will have lost and my children will have lost. I just try and think what a blessing that she got to see my children and that Julie will always remember her now that I know she is old enough. What a great thing to be able to have a great grandma around.....I know that she has a place in my daughters heart for all time. When that time finally comes....we are sure going to miss BIG MAMA!!! So pray for her and send her good loving thoughts......I know we will.