Change is sometimes bittersweet

I have come to a point in my life where there are some major things that need to change, but I have been unable to do so. How do you change things that you have done or experienced for as long as you can remember....I am talking 26+ years. I guess I have always to an extent in some parts of my life put others first and sometimes went above and beyond to make someone my friend or keep them as a friend. The older I get in that aspect though I realize that I am too damn old to play some childish games. Either you like me for who I am, or you dont. I no longer want to walk on egg shells around certain people. On the other hand, some change needs to happen to make my husband and my family happier, but once something is so ingrained in you, it is almost like second nature and at times, hard to realize just how bad it is. When I sit down to think about these things, I know they have to change but don't know where exactly to begin for success. Maybe I mean more like long term success, all I know is that I can't go on like I am for it will destroy me.

Okay so now for the bittersweet part. My babies are growing up. Last night we converted Kaitlyn's crib into a full sized bed and her mattress is being delivered today. How is it that my littlest girl is no longer so little. Gone are the days of the crib and as of today the toddler bed, and since my husband says that he is done having little ones(although I would like just one more), it is a sad goodbye to the baby days. My kids are growing up and sometimes it feels like they need me less and less. Yes, it is bittersweet. A necessary evil. Your goal as a mom is to raise kind, and caring children that can turn out to be wonderful people as they grow up, but at times it happens way to fast. I dont know what the next 5 yrs will hold for us, I would like to have a little one all over again, and maybe this time not be so rushed to have them hit the next stage. But as for now, I will try to stop time a little and savor more moments within the day, even those that may be hard, for I know all to soon I will look back and realize what a small blip in life that was and how truly fast it goes.

2 weeks down

Well it has been 2 weeks since my baby has been in Kindergarten...she loves school and is already upset that she has to be off school for 3 whole days this week due to the holiday...it is a little weird on the days when both girls are in school. When I picked her up from school on Friday some little boy in her classroom called to her and said , "bye, Princess". On Thursday, I went to the Dr's and everyone asked me where the girls were and I said they were both in school....it felt weird but nice. The only problem is they are growing up so fast. Julie is no longer a little girl, she is now a girl. Very grown up and smart. Kaitlyn is in the throws of terrible 3's, being a pill all the time...despite all that, I would not change anything. I love being a mom and watching my kids grow and change....so now I am ready for number 3, since my little ones are getting all grown up...any ideas how to convince my husband that he is ready too??

Off to preschool we go

I can't believe it, tomorrow is Kaitlyn's 1st day of preschool. It seems like only yesterday I was dropping Julie off for her 1st day, now she is in Kindergarten. Where did the time go?? They grow up so fast...it is going to be bittersweet when I close that door behind me after taking her to school.

I need am going to need a vacation from my vacation...

So we are in the middle of our 8 day vacation to New York to visit the in-laws, attend my husbands cousins wedding, and go to a baby naming ceremony for my niece. Boy am I tired, and the worst part of that is my in-laws have been doing most of the running around with the kids...which has been a godsend for me. It is not that I am not having fun, it is just that our days have been very full of things to do. My husband told me today that he has been to more Jewish celebrations this week since before we got married. (which has been 6 years). I love seeing my nieces since we mostly see them through pictures only since we live on different coasts. Also I have to say that I have seen the wonderful girl that my older daughter has become. I can't believe that she sat through a whole ceremony at the temple and a baby naming with no complaints or problems. I even asked her if she wanted to go out with the younger kids, she said no. She sat there for 2 hours as good as can be. By the end of the ceremony, she was the only child still there, so the rabbi came by and gave her a special candy. Then today we attended a wedding which was very long and hot and my younger one was all over the place, in fact I had to miss the ceremony because she wouldn't be quiet. But my 4 year old sat there as good as can be, like a little grown up. She danced and played and ate and behaved herself. My husband and I left early because my 2 year old needed a nap, but she wanted to stay behind. Everyone said how good she was, dancing and being polite and enjoying the wedding with all of her heart. It makes you proud as a mom to hear that and realize that although there has been some very hard times, it is all worth it and I did things right with my little princess. If she can go out with others around and have compliments about how good she is, then I am proud. She is growing up to fast....as I look back and everything has went by so fast. She goes to school, she is an excellent swimmer and an even better horseback rider. She no longer needs her mom as much as she did, she is growing up and branching out in this world....she is only 4, but man am I proud of her. Tired, but proud!!