Feeling sad and lost

I know we all have times when sometimes life feels like it sucks....now dont get me wrong. I love my family and I am a very blessed person. On the flipside of that story, I have a huge amount of regrets in my life and they just wear on me and drag me down. My house seems to always be in a state of chaos....it bothers me and depresses me which causes an endless circle. A lot of the time, I have no motivation to do anything about it because in less then 10 minutes it will be back where it started. Not a good way to be that is for sure. Also my husband is great with money, me not so much. I like to shop and there are times I buy things that may not be needed but then I expect money to be there for projects and trips and such....then it isnt which is all my fault. That also wears on me more then anyone can imagine. For my sanitiy IT needs to change. I feel that because of all this, it adds more stress which doesnt make me a very good mother or wife....I wish I could snap my fingers and the people from clean house could come and make it all go away. To me, I look at the big picture and all I see in front of me is a huge mountain that I cannot climb, so why even try. I can't look at the small one because the big one is too monumental in size. Here lies the problem, change......it has to happen now....but how to start without getting overwhelmed and wanting to quit. We will see where this road leads in the coming weeks. Maybe having it all out in the open is my first huge step to sucess.

Oh man, do I need a nap and a drink

Today was CRAZY....crazy busy. I got home for the first time at 3:30 after leaving at 8:30 and it has been non stop go ever since. Let see here is how my day went.

9:00 Swim lessons for Kaitlyn
10:25 pick up Julie from school
11:45 Kaitlyn appt with GI dr, who was running 45 minutes late so we had to hurry since we were 45 minutes away from
1:30 Kaitlyn speech therapy
2:30 Julie Riding lesson

so now I am home and my day continues

3:45 Girls in bath getting hair washed
4:15? Drain backyard pond and collect fish to give away
6:00 meet lady with Koi to give to her
6:30 Dinner at Red Hawk....

I am already so tired.....

So to update everything Kaitlyn is going to be flushed out again since her belly is distended and she needs to poop(mom and dad have sucked at giving her meds lately, so we have to back track). Then we are going to start her back on daily laxatives. Meanwhile, I have to take her to the lab for blood work(so not looking forward to that) because her belly has so much distention that her Dr wants to make sure it is not Celiac disease and she also wants to check her Thyroid. She started her 1st session with the speech therapist now that all the testing is done and hopefully that will go well. She is also in swim class and doing great.

As for Julie, school is almost over and now we are trying to figure out what camps to put her in for the summer...the fun just keeps on going.