2 weeks down

Well it has been 2 weeks since my baby has been in Kindergarten...she loves school and is already upset that she has to be off school for 3 whole days this week due to the holiday...it is a little weird on the days when both girls are in school. When I picked her up from school on Friday some little boy in her classroom called to her and said , "bye, Princess". On Thursday, I went to the Dr's and everyone asked me where the girls were and I said they were both in school....it felt weird but nice. The only problem is they are growing up so fast. Julie is no longer a little girl, she is now a girl. Very grown up and smart. Kaitlyn is in the throws of terrible 3's, being a pill all the time...despite all that, I would not change anything. I love being a mom and watching my kids grow and change....so now I am ready for number 3, since my little ones are getting all grown up...any ideas how to convince my husband that he is ready too??

Back to the real world

Well the in-laws left tonight, headed back to NY..good thing for them I guess since my father in law is sick, but sucky for me...it never seems like they stay quite long enough and it was a blessing they were here because they helped with the kids since I am getting over being sick and they kept me busy and my mind off of things so I didn't think about my grandma passing away as much. Then they left tonight and it was like all those emotions hit me hard, I cried they were leaving, I cried because my grandma was gone.....I just cried. I think now these next couple days will be hard that during the day it will once again just be me and the kids....

Tired today

So today is day 3 of my vigil at my grandmas bedside....I am TIRED, physically, emotionally...tired. I have been here since 10 am this morning and it is now 8 pm....I will be here for a few more hours before heading home and then back again early tomorrow...more family is here today. Tom has been here for the day, the kids were here all day with their cousin and a constant presence of a nurse since my grandma is no longer stable. She is now on O2 and seems to be comfortable as long as we keep up with the pain meds on a regular basis. We are just praying she will hold on until tomorrow. Her son and daughter from back east will be here by the afternoon. I am still not sure she will make it, but we will pray. She can no longer speak and has a buildup in her throat so she does a lot of gurgling, but her heart rate is still strong and her blood pressure is still up. So I am on my way back upstairs to sit a little longer.......

The shit is hitting the fan

Well I guess when it rains, it pours.....as you may or may not know my Grandmother is very ill and dying, so I have been at my moms holding a vigil and trying to help out the best that I can, since no other family is here to help out or is even on the way. The hospice nurse said that she probably had a few days to a week left....couple with that, my in laws are coming out on Thursday....and my house needs to be cleaned, we are having a birthday party for Kaitlyn on Sunday and nothing is ready for that, the cake is not ordered...nothing....then I wake up this morning and now I am sick...coming down with a cold or something, but I feel like crap....than Adam tells me he thinks he is getting sick too......does God have anything else he would like to add to my plate??

Anxiety and clutter make for a bad combo

So for those who have known me a while, you all know that I have anxiety....but some may not realize to what extent. Anyhow, some things it is minor, others huge. Well lets just say that my house and life also has clutter and those 2 things together can be a horrible combination. So I have been trying to de clutter and make room in my house and my life. I rearranged Kaitlyn's room, I have been trying just to get rid of things that I know have not been used in months, but it is hard to look at the big picture when there are so many little steps. Everything you read says just do a little at a time and break it into 15 minute clumps...it doesn't all need to get done at once, but for me 15 minutes makes me feel like it will never ever be finished and then comes the anxiety followed by the depression. Take today for example. I spent an hour and a half cleaning out the garage...filling up a whole garbage can and recycle bin, and making 3 large bags for donation. I look at what I have done and I think WOW....you did a lot(well when looking at a little picture). Then I look at the big picture and think, what a waste, this is never going to be finished and then it gets frustrating and upsetting and I just want to give up.....I guess it doesn't help that neither my husband or I are neat freaks. I have told my husband that we need to hire a professional organizer because I think that a lot of this stuff for it to get accomplished is beyond the 2 of us. He being an engineer thinks it is a waste of money to do that...so here I am back at square 1. I should be thrilled that the garage is coming together and Kaitlyns room looks great, but instead I am unhappy about how much more we have to go......

I took the leap surprising even myself

So the gym that I belong to, is having an 8 week body challenge. What it is, you pay a fee and you have weekly weigh in's and then you get 2 group personal training sessions a week for 6 weeks. Then two weeks on your own. At the end of 8 weeks the person who has lost the biggest percentage will win. They have a bunch of different prizes etc. When I saw the form, it was like a light bulb clicked in my head. Usually I say to those things why the hell would you pay for something like that on top of the gym membership price. This time, I know the reason. I need to have a drastic change like that. What I am doing is not working so I need to change it and step it up a whole lot. Wish me luck as I embark on this journey.

Do you remember back when?

The other day, I was tired and stressed so I wanted to take a hot bath since my 2 yr old was taking her nap. As I grabbed my book and headed for the tub I realized that I had to take the million toys out 1st. So I was thinking about a list of things that changes when you become a parent.

-Do you remember when you could get right in the bath without having to clean out 1o million toys 1st?

-Do you remember when you could go to the bathroom without an audience?

-Do you remember when you could sleep all night without a toy in your little ones crib making noise in the monitor and waking you up?

-Do you remember when you didn't believe that the dish fairy and the laundry fairy existed, but now you wish they would just go away and stop making so much work for you to handle?

-Do you remember when you didn't think it was possible to be groped in so many ways?

-Do you remember being able to wear the same clothes all day without food, or gunk, or unexplainable things on you?

Even though I don't remember much of that, I do know that I wouldn't change anything about it. I have never felt more loved or needed in my life and although sometimes it is hard and tiring, they are worth it!!