Thought I was ready, but not so sure

Tomorrow is the big day. Julie starts 1st grade which also means that she now goes all day long. I can't believe that it is already here. It doesnt seem like that long ago that I gave birth to her, dropped her off for her 1st day of preschool or even left her with someone for the 1st time. Where did all the time go? I was so excited for her to go all day long, but now I am sad. That is a long time every day to be away from her when for 6 yrs she has been with me more of the day then not, but now it is all going to change....then I think not to long until Kailtyn is off all day and I will be alone all day in the house...I am so not ready for that one...I wish I had a button to slow down the time for a little bit.

On the other hand, we met her teacher today who seems very very nice and we saw her desk with her name on it and her classroom and she saw that some of the kids from her class last year are in her same class this year so she was excited about that. I think she is now less nervous to go tomorrow because she got a sneek peek of what it is going to be.

3 down and hopefully only 3 more long ones to go..plus other ramblings

Today is 3 weeks since my leg injury and I can't believe that I still have at least 3 more weeks to go. The pain is better, but has been keeping me up at night and now I have pain in my kneecap on and off which makes the injury more painful at times. I go back to the drs on Thursday so hopefully I will get some better news about the healing and hopefully still on the no surgery route. Lets keep our fingers crossed and I keep praying that things are improving.

As for the other ramblings I was once again in church today as Julie concluded her week long Vacation Bible School by singing 2 songs in church today. It felt good to be back in church and it was a great sermon, one that I really needed to hear. It was also great to have family and friends around to support and encourage.

Tomorrow the girls start soccer camp in the morning and then begins soccer practice in the eve. Kaitlyn has practice on M and W and Julie on Tue and Thur...it is going to be busy nights and some very tired little girls and then to top it all off....Julie begins 1st grade next week. I cannot believe how fast my little baby is growing up. Sometimes it is way too quick......

If you believe it will give you chills

So some of you may or may not believe in this kind of stuff, but for me I do. Ever since my Grandpa died many many years ago all of our family would find random pennies around....even places that we had just been in our house or such, that we knew he was thinking about us and near us. It has been going on for years. When my grandma was dying and in her final last days and no longer communicating with us, my mom was talking to her and made a joke that when she(my grandma) finally passes away, she better send us Quarters instead of a tiny penny and we all laughed about it, but who knows if my grandma even knew we were there at that point. Well not long after she passed, my uncle who does not believe in this stuff, walked out of his building at work and on a tree planter right in front of him, lay a penny and a quarter. To us a sign that my grandma and grandpa were back together again, and they knew to go to the non believer 1st. I think in a way, it made him believe. Then lets jump to today. Julie has been going to a Vacation Bible School at the Lutheran Church close to our house and loving every minute of it. When my grandma was alive she would always get on me about the kids and learning about god and being baptised and all that. I never did any of it because my husband is Jewish and we agreed that we will allow our children to choose the religion they would like when they get older. Anyhow, back to camp. This week my mom and I have said how proud grandma would be about Julie going to this camp and today Julie got in the car and said to me, "Mom, we went outside to do an activity today and then when we came back inside to our seats, there was a quarter where I was sitting...." , okay so I got chills and said do you know who that is from and she said, "Big MAMA, leaves quarters", then she goes onto tell me that they went into another room for snack and she sat down and right beside her sat 2 pennies..." , okay now I was crying....a sign that my grandma and grandpa are right there with her and I am sure grandma aka BIG MAMA is beaming with pride.

Two weeks in

Well I have made it 2 weeks with my injury...and every day I think it gets a tiny bit better and then the next I will have a step back so I guess you could say two steps forward and one step back. Went to see the orthopedist last week and although I did a heck of a job injuring my leg...tore my MCL and the ligaments holding the left side of my knee cap, at this time it doesnt look like I need surgery to repair that part of the equation. They say that it should form scar tissue and begin to heal but it will take 6-8wks. That is the part that is killing me. After it is healed they may have to go into my knee and tighten the ligaments on one side and loosen them on the other but they wont know that until after. Hopefully my kneecap will go back to its rightful place. I guess it didnt like being dislocated....

So I am getting around in a huge, hot knee brace and a crutch and that is the depressing part....I want to be able to get down and play with my kids, not lay in bed and rest my leg...I know in the big picture it is a short time, but from where I am now, 6 weeks seems like forever.

Dont need to say much in this one

Torn MCL along with several other ligaments...dislocated kneecap, will continue to swell until fixed due to the constant trauma of knee floating. Great....going to require surgery and at least 12 week recovery.....now I am really depressed.....but what can I do...

Pain, pain, and more pain

Let me start off by saying I have a whole lot in my life to be thankful for and enjoy. That being said,I think this leg injury may just kill me. Short of the time when I broke my back. This is constant pain 24/7. Nothing helps just maybe takes the edge off. I am beyond miserable. I cannot move without pain. My leg and ankle and foot is so swollen it hurts. If I move the wrong way, my kneecap slips out of the socket and that is a whole different kind of pain. IT will be a week tomorrow and I guess I expected some sort of relief.....it takes me almost 5 minutes to get from my bed to the bathroom in my bedroom.....I dont know what I am looking for here.....but someone throw me a bone.

Feeling sad and lost

I know we all have times when sometimes life feels like it sucks....now dont get me wrong. I love my family and I am a very blessed person. On the flipside of that story, I have a huge amount of regrets in my life and they just wear on me and drag me down. My house seems to always be in a state of chaos....it bothers me and depresses me which causes an endless circle. A lot of the time, I have no motivation to do anything about it because in less then 10 minutes it will be back where it started. Not a good way to be that is for sure. Also my husband is great with money, me not so much. I like to shop and there are times I buy things that may not be needed but then I expect money to be there for projects and trips and such....then it isnt which is all my fault. That also wears on me more then anyone can imagine. For my sanitiy IT needs to change. I feel that because of all this, it adds more stress which doesnt make me a very good mother or wife....I wish I could snap my fingers and the people from clean house could come and make it all go away. To me, I look at the big picture and all I see in front of me is a huge mountain that I cannot climb, so why even try. I can't look at the small one because the big one is too monumental in size. Here lies the problem, change......it has to happen now....but how to start without getting overwhelmed and wanting to quit. We will see where this road leads in the coming weeks. Maybe having it all out in the open is my first huge step to sucess.