When you find out who your true friends are

Yes, this is going to be a winy complaint filled post, but oh well. If you don't want to read it, then don't. Lets go back to last Friday...everyone else in my family has bronchitis and is on antibiotics(Kaitlyn also has an ear infection) Anyhow I started to get a cough on Friday and I was thinking oh no, please don't let me get this since I had just finished the antibiotics for my sinus infection the day before. So as the weekend progressed, my cough started to get worse and worse. Sunday I decided to go to urgent care. They told me that I probably had bronchitis too but they didn't want to give me antibiotics since I just finished a course so they sent me home with some cough medicine that didn't work. As Tuesday came around, I was feeling like crap, I had a fever, the chills, and a cough that I thought was going to hack up a lung and I felt like I was going to collapse, so I made a Dr's appt for 3pm that day. As noon rolled around, I realized that I couldn't make it until 3, so I dropped the kids off at daycare and headed to the ER. Boy am I glad that I did. I have a bad case of Pneumonia....so they gave me 2 strong IV antibiotics and fluids and debated if the should admit me or not. Because of my Lupus, my body is less able to cope with such things and I am also on a drug that suppresses your immune system. To make matters worse, when they were drawing my blood, they hit a deep nerve in my arm....(how the hell they did that I have no idea since I have blood draws every 6 weeks and come on, I am 30 so I have had a lot)anyhow, my arm went straight up and a stabbing pain shot from my elbow all the way to the bottom of my wrist. I was in tears.....even after she was done, my hand was numb and my arm was full of pain. Well, today, I am unable to use my arm, for if I move it, I have a stabbing pain in my wrist and my hand, then my hand goes numb. It is supposed to get better in a week or so....great. So to make a long story a little shorter, they sent me home, with strict instructions that I am not like most people who have this. I am more compromised and I need to go home, stay in bed and rest for 2-3 days until I feel stronger and then I need to start back slow. Well, my husband told me that he couldn't miss work and I cant chase after the kids, because as it is, it is hard to breathe and if I move it is 10 times worse.

So I called my "good friend" and asked her if it was possible that Adam drop Julie off after school and then pick her up on the way home from work because Kaitlyn will be napping and I can stay in bed. Well, she said that she couldn't watch her because she had to finish Vacuuming and mopping(her already spotless house). Well that was a kick in the face. So I tried the next person with whom I left a message on their voicemail and they just never called me back. What a feeling, to know that when you are in a bind, no one gives a shit. People who are supposed to be good friends, look for excuses not to help out. Whatever happened to the days when people went out of their way for others in times like this. I know if they had called me, I would have made a way to make it happen. I guess people like that are far and few between. One person who I wouldn't have called a friend before a few months ago, showed her true colors when I broke my foot. Despite her having 4 little kids of her own, she cooked us dinner, made us goodies, watched Kaitlyn and Julie and picked up Julie from school and brought her to my house so that I wouldn't have to go out. She is an angel in disguise. I thought about calling her, but she has helped me so much, I just couldn't do it. When you get older, you have a few select friends and you want to keep those friends that you have, I guess it just makes me sad and hurts my feelings to know that when I need help, they wont be there for me. So I lay here alone, feeling like I was hit by a train and struggling to breathe. I just pray to god I get better soon.

Here are the lyrics to a country song that I have always liked and I guess it really came into play today.

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your backwants to shake your handwhen you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then
This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

Enough is enough!!

I AM SO READY FOR THIS WINTER SICK SEASON TO BE OVER......



Okay so now that I said it, I want you to know that I mean it...we have all been sick for one time or another for 2 months straight now....and I have had enough. I am tired of snot, and coughing, and vomit, and grumpiness........Julie had the horrible long cold that we all have had and now she has a bad case of bronchitis and is on antibiotics, now it is spreading to Kaitlyn and she is once again sick with a cold and no longer has a voice and her raw nose was just finally starting to heal....please help us!!! On the flip side of all that....Julie had her 5 yr/school check up today and she is doing great and everything is right on track. Now we just have to go back to the urologist next month to make sure her bladder is okay and then we should be set. I cannot believe that I am going to have a kindergartner in a few months.



Also since it was a long weekend this week, I finally got our playroom started and finished. We have a large bonus room upstairs that was not used for much, so we decided to turn it into a playroom. We installed lower handrails for the kids and moved all of the toys upstairs so they can have their own space. It is actually nice. Slowly things are all falling in place. Also on Friday we had snow which made my year and the kids loved it. I just wish that Julie wasn't feeling so crappy that day and could have enjoyed it more. Oh well, we are planning on spending a weekend in Tahoe in a week or two because Julie wants to learn how to ski...so we will see how that will go.

Why

So why is it that when you really really want to and NEED to take a nap...nothing ever falls into place. I am still very sick....it has been a week and I dont think that I am at all better. I feel like crap.....I am waiting to just wake up and at least say that I feel a little better...but not so far. SO even though I felt like crap, I wanted to tire the kids out today because I really needed a nap. So off we went to Chuck E Cheese to use the tokens that we had left from Sat birthday party. We were the only ones there which was nice. Anyhow, we spent an 1 1/2 there and then I took the girls to lunch with both of them saying they were tired. I told Julie that today she was taking a nap since I have only slept about 10 hrs in the last 4 nights and am past the point of exhaustion. So we got home and Kaitlyn still had not fallen asleep and I put her in her crib and sent Julie off to her room and layed down in bed...thank god.....about 5 minutes later Kaitlyn was yelling for me that she dropped her rubber worm that she won at Chuck E Cheese and I ignored her and closed my eyes. Then Julie came in and said that she was done with her nap(which she didn't even take) and told me that she wanted a snack and threw a package in my now sleeping face for me to open.....I turned on a show for her and promptly went back to laa laa land. Kaitlyn as of now was still not sleeping but quiet. Another 5 minutes goes by and Julie wakes me up and tells me that the doorbell rang and I told her that was okay, I wasn't going to answer it. Then the phone rings and it turns out that the person at the door is the repair man for the heater that wasn't working right last night...so nowI am sitting here with a cranky 2 yr old, a bitchy sick tired mother, and a repair man complaining about the crappy job those guys did putting our system in....great that gives me confidence.......

Frozen

So after much waiting(years to be exact) we had people come to install a new heat pump in our house.......I was so excited. They arrived around 8 in the morning and my husband had stayed home from work because I had things to do in the morning. Cut to last night....at around 3pm my husband asked them about how much longer they had..in response they said 4 hrs. When 4 hrs was up, they came and said they had some bad news. They wouldn't be able to finish tonight and we wouldn't have heat....are you kidding me......they gave us a small space heater and then they went and bought a radiator for us to use...except they didn't think about us having kids and pets and that if you touch the radiator you are going to burn yourself. Also it was already 38 outside....so we all headed upstairs since heat rises and put the small space heater in the animal room so the birds wouldn't die and brought the large radiator upstairs with us. We put it behind the baby gate so no one could touch it...so here we are freezing cold, with 3 of us sick, sleeping on the floor upstairs......lets just say, I did not get very much sleep at all and I think I am still frozen....at least they got the heater to work...if it only had a defrost mode...

Our Vacation to Disneyworld!!

So we just returned back from 5 days of Disney world with my in-laws and their parents...I know what you are thinking...oh GOD.....yes that is the reaction I got from everyone about how very brave I was and how it was going to be torture for me....well it was actually nice...the only thing that I would have changed is I was a little grumpy because I am tired of having a cast on my foot and having to be pushed around in a wheelchair our whole vacation and on top of that my Grandma back home was very sick and I was not sure that she was going to be okay when I returned. The kids had fun...they loved seeing their grandma and grandpa who we only usually see about 2 times per year and they were excited to see great Papa and Great Mama too....Kaitlyn wanted to go on and do everything she could, and Julie on the other hand is in the stage where she is scared of everything and did not want to do anything. Of course, Kaitlyn has been dealing with constipation for a long time and in Disney we had started her on a new medicine. I also brought along a child's laxative because she had been trying but had not had a BM for 3 days. Anyhow the whole time we were there during our trip it didn't really seem to make a difference..until yesterday when we were getting ready to board the bus for the airport. Lets just say that we didn't have time to take her inside so we were standing by the bus bench with her standing up....to put it mildly it was on her legs, her new Minnie Mouse Dress, Adam's jeans, the cement, my arms.....well I think you get the point...what an end to a great vacation. I guess I should just be happy it helped.....just FYI we are already on our 4th full diaper today and it is only noon.

Just Great

So we are now 3 days away from leaving for Disney world and the crap has hit the fan. I woke up this morning feeling very nauseated and now I am in the potty a lot if you know what I mean. Then Kaitlyn was up a couple times last night saying that she hurt and today she has a 103 fever and strep throat....on top of that Adam has a cold and I still have a bum foot....at this rate we will see how the vacation goes.

It finally clicked

I just want to warn you ahead of time, this is not a happy post...it is for the most part a sad one. As I was in Kaitlyn's room today painting her mural(yes, I know it has been 2 1/2 yrs and still not done...) it finally clicked what makes me shop and spend money that I don't really have. I was thinking that it stems from when I was younger....12-16. My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. As the years progressed and his health was failing....I knew it would be the end soon. I think watching that for 4 years made me fear death. I know I fear dying....I am afraid of dying and my kids never remembering who I am, of my husband being all alone. I worry about my husband dying, my kids getting a terminal disease...I know morbid right. I should not worry about something that may or may not happen and something that I cannot control. I know that I shop and buy things because I think, what if I die tomorrow....I would really like to have this....or maybe my kids will remember that I bought that special toy that they wanted. I am sorry about everyone that I have hurt doing that....for sometimes making my kids expect things.....for making my husband upset when the bills come in....for everything. It is also a stress reliever, a self-esteem boost.....like shopping therapy.

Now, I am slowly watching my Grandma fade away. It brings back flashbacks of my father dying and every time I see her, I wonder if it is going to be the last time. She has always been a pillar of strength....almost invincible. One of the strongest people I have ever known. Now she is frail, sickly, painful, and no longer the strong one. Everyday it gets a little worse. She can no longer make if up the stairs in my moms house to go to bed, so she sleeps in the den in the recliner. She has to be taken in a wheelchair a very small amount over to her house because she can in no way walk that far anymore.....and in the 4 weeks that this has started, everyday it gets so much worse. The worst part is we are leaving for Disney world in a week and a half. I am scared to death....you see more then not, loved ones have died when I am away from home and I dread getting that phone call that I have to come home.....