Why

So why is it that when you really really want to and NEED to take a nap...nothing ever falls into place. I am still very sick....it has been a week and I dont think that I am at all better. I feel like crap.....I am waiting to just wake up and at least say that I feel a little better...but not so far. SO even though I felt like crap, I wanted to tire the kids out today because I really needed a nap. So off we went to Chuck E Cheese to use the tokens that we had left from Sat birthday party. We were the only ones there which was nice. Anyhow, we spent an 1 1/2 there and then I took the girls to lunch with both of them saying they were tired. I told Julie that today she was taking a nap since I have only slept about 10 hrs in the last 4 nights and am past the point of exhaustion. So we got home and Kaitlyn still had not fallen asleep and I put her in her crib and sent Julie off to her room and layed down in bed...thank god.....about 5 minutes later Kaitlyn was yelling for me that she dropped her rubber worm that she won at Chuck E Cheese and I ignored her and closed my eyes. Then Julie came in and said that she was done with her nap(which she didn't even take) and told me that she wanted a snack and threw a package in my now sleeping face for me to open.....I turned on a show for her and promptly went back to laa laa land. Kaitlyn as of now was still not sleeping but quiet. Another 5 minutes goes by and Julie wakes me up and tells me that the doorbell rang and I told her that was okay, I wasn't going to answer it. Then the phone rings and it turns out that the person at the door is the repair man for the heater that wasn't working right last night...so nowI am sitting here with a cranky 2 yr old, a bitchy sick tired mother, and a repair man complaining about the crappy job those guys did putting our system in....great that gives me confidence.......

Frozen

So after much waiting(years to be exact) we had people come to install a new heat pump in our house.......I was so excited. They arrived around 8 in the morning and my husband had stayed home from work because I had things to do in the morning. Cut to last night....at around 3pm my husband asked them about how much longer they had..in response they said 4 hrs. When 4 hrs was up, they came and said they had some bad news. They wouldn't be able to finish tonight and we wouldn't have heat....are you kidding me......they gave us a small space heater and then they went and bought a radiator for us to use...except they didn't think about us having kids and pets and that if you touch the radiator you are going to burn yourself. Also it was already 38 outside....so we all headed upstairs since heat rises and put the small space heater in the animal room so the birds wouldn't die and brought the large radiator upstairs with us. We put it behind the baby gate so no one could touch it...so here we are freezing cold, with 3 of us sick, sleeping on the floor upstairs......lets just say, I did not get very much sleep at all and I think I am still frozen....at least they got the heater to work...if it only had a defrost mode...

Our Vacation to Disneyworld!!

So we just returned back from 5 days of Disney world with my in-laws and their parents...I know what you are thinking...oh GOD.....yes that is the reaction I got from everyone about how very brave I was and how it was going to be torture for me....well it was actually nice...the only thing that I would have changed is I was a little grumpy because I am tired of having a cast on my foot and having to be pushed around in a wheelchair our whole vacation and on top of that my Grandma back home was very sick and I was not sure that she was going to be okay when I returned. The kids had fun...they loved seeing their grandma and grandpa who we only usually see about 2 times per year and they were excited to see great Papa and Great Mama too....Kaitlyn wanted to go on and do everything she could, and Julie on the other hand is in the stage where she is scared of everything and did not want to do anything. Of course, Kaitlyn has been dealing with constipation for a long time and in Disney we had started her on a new medicine. I also brought along a child's laxative because she had been trying but had not had a BM for 3 days. Anyhow the whole time we were there during our trip it didn't really seem to make a difference..until yesterday when we were getting ready to board the bus for the airport. Lets just say that we didn't have time to take her inside so we were standing by the bus bench with her standing up....to put it mildly it was on her legs, her new Minnie Mouse Dress, Adam's jeans, the cement, my arms.....well I think you get the point...what an end to a great vacation. I guess I should just be happy it helped.....just FYI we are already on our 4th full diaper today and it is only noon.

Just Great

So we are now 3 days away from leaving for Disney world and the crap has hit the fan. I woke up this morning feeling very nauseated and now I am in the potty a lot if you know what I mean. Then Kaitlyn was up a couple times last night saying that she hurt and today she has a 103 fever and strep throat....on top of that Adam has a cold and I still have a bum foot....at this rate we will see how the vacation goes.

It finally clicked

I just want to warn you ahead of time, this is not a happy post...it is for the most part a sad one. As I was in Kaitlyn's room today painting her mural(yes, I know it has been 2 1/2 yrs and still not done...) it finally clicked what makes me shop and spend money that I don't really have. I was thinking that it stems from when I was younger....12-16. My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. As the years progressed and his health was failing....I knew it would be the end soon. I think watching that for 4 years made me fear death. I know I fear dying....I am afraid of dying and my kids never remembering who I am, of my husband being all alone. I worry about my husband dying, my kids getting a terminal disease...I know morbid right. I should not worry about something that may or may not happen and something that I cannot control. I know that I shop and buy things because I think, what if I die tomorrow....I would really like to have this....or maybe my kids will remember that I bought that special toy that they wanted. I am sorry about everyone that I have hurt doing that....for sometimes making my kids expect things.....for making my husband upset when the bills come in....for everything. It is also a stress reliever, a self-esteem boost.....like shopping therapy.

Now, I am slowly watching my Grandma fade away. It brings back flashbacks of my father dying and every time I see her, I wonder if it is going to be the last time. She has always been a pillar of strength....almost invincible. One of the strongest people I have ever known. Now she is frail, sickly, painful, and no longer the strong one. Everyday it gets a little worse. She can no longer make if up the stairs in my moms house to go to bed, so she sleeps in the den in the recliner. She has to be taken in a wheelchair a very small amount over to her house because she can in no way walk that far anymore.....and in the 4 weeks that this has started, everyday it gets so much worse. The worst part is we are leaving for Disney world in a week and a half. I am scared to death....you see more then not, loved ones have died when I am away from home and I dread getting that phone call that I have to come home.....

It is for sure better to give then recieve

It may have taken me 20 years to fully realize it, but I know above all that it is better to give then to receive. I try to help out whenever people need it, whether it be a friend, Julie's teacher, or a neighbor...a lot of people don't understand it....including at times my husband who I love dearly. Everyone always asks me, what are they going to do for you helping out...or what are you going to get in return?? Why is that always what people ask. I do those things for the good of doing the deed, not for what I may or may not get in return. Is it a selfless act? Yes, most of the time it gets unrecognized and unnoticed....it took me a very long time to realize that. Most of my life I have always wanted validation and praise for what I have done. I guess you could say that I have grown up. Today I did a very good deed. I had multiple bags of infant and toddler clothes that I have been slowly selling through craigslist and Ebay. Making some extra money, but I still had a lot left. I didn't realize until today, just how much I had. 10 large black outside garbage bags full...that is a lot. As I was packing it all up I was thinking...wow, I could make a lot of money off of this much...I mean in the $100's. Instead, I was packing it all up for a place that is called Twin Lakes Food Bank..it is a place where people can go that have nothing or very little...they can pick out a bag of clothes, they can get a toy for a child, they can receive groceries all free of charge. Somewhere they can get a leg up in this world. As I drove into the parking lot, I couldn't help but notice the people who volunteer to help and most of all, make someone Else's day...all without passing judgement. As I loaded all of my donation of clothes and a bassinet into carts, I saw people leaving with groceries....some who looked like they had not had a shower and clean clothes for awhile, others who were older and probably on a fixed income that was barely making it...who knows what the story is but I am sure they all had a different one to tell.
The one thing that I noticed was that everyone who was leaving with their cart of groceries had a huge smile on their face. It is then and there that I knew that I was doing the right thing....sure I could have made a lot of money off of it, but look at the many many people and kids that I helped. I also know that it is going to someone who truly needs them....so with a smile and a happy heart, I left feeling content knowing that I made someone Else's holidays just a little brighter and thankful that I can provide for my children and give them a happy holiday too....

How dare she

So I was at a very very good friends house last night babysitting her kids and mine were there playing for awhile to. When I heard from the playroom, the little girl tell Julie that her mom put some of the dress up clothes up in the closet so Julie couldn't put them on because she was to big for them...ok..I understand that. Julie doesn't really fit in the 6x dress up clothes anymore and she doesn't want them ripped. But that is not what pissed me off. As I was sitting there listening, I heard the girl tell Julie that she cant wear them because she is too fat and her mom said that it is because you(Julie) eat too many snacks and too much dinner.....DID I HEAR THIS RIGHT??? So I called Julie into the other room where I was and sent the little girl back in the playroom so that I could talk to Julie alone. I then asked her what was said...she told me and thank god she isn't at the age where it affects her yet...I was pissed and crying because I went through that crap at school when I was a kid and I don't want my child to have to go through that, and for a mom to tell her child that...no wonder kids are so mean. If there parents have no problem saying it, why should they. I then asked the girl to come out and tell me what she told Julie and she repeated the same thing again and then I asked her if her mom told her that and she said yes....this person is one of my very good friends and I am pissed. Now what do I do....after I got home from babysitting at like 1:45 in the morning, I could not sleep but just laid there and thought about it some more and got even more pissed.